Princess Bride
Time: 2 minutes 2 seconds
Buttercup: I love you, I know this must come as something of a surprise, since all I've ever done is scorn you and degrade you and taunt you, but I have loved you for several hours now, and every second, more. I thought an hour ago that I loved you more than any woman has ever loved a man, but a half hour after that I knew that what I felt before was nothing compared to what I felt then. But ten minutes after that, I understood that my previous love was a puddle compared to the high seas before a storm. Your eyes are like that, did you know? Well they are. How many minutes ago was I? Twenty? Had I brought my feelings up to then? It doesn't matter. I love you so much more now than twenty minutes ago that there cannot be comparison. I love you so much more now than when you opened your hovel door, there cannot be comparison. There is no room in my body for anything but you. My arms love you, my ears adore you, my knees shake with blind affection. My mind begs you to ask it something so it can obey. Do you want me to follow you for the rest of your days? I will do that. Do you want me to crawl? I will crawl. I will be quiet for you or sing for you, or if you are hungry, let me bring you food, or if you have thirst and nothing will quench it but Arabian wine, I will go to Araby, even though it is across the world, and bring a bottle back for your lunch. Anything there is that I can do for you, I will do for you; anything there is that I cannot do, I will learn to do. I know I cannot compete with the Countess in skills or wisdom or appeal, and I saw the way she looked at you. And I saw the way you looked at her. But remember, please, that she is old and has other interests, while I am seventeen and for me there is only you. Dearest Westley--I've never called you that before, have I?--Westley, Westley, Westley, Westley, Westley,--darling Westley, adored Westley, sweet perfect Westley, whisper that I have a chance to win your love.
10th Kingdom
Time: 3 minutes 15 seconds
Snow White: My mother was a queen, and every day she sewed by a window, staring at the falling snow, longing to have a baby girl. But one day she pricked her finger with her needle, and into the snow fell three drops of blood, and she knew she would die giving birth to me. My father was sad for a very long tim, but eventually he remarried because he was lonely. My new mother brought no possessions to the castle except for her magic mirrors. And every day she locked her bedroom door and took off all her clothes off and said, "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?" And the mirror would gaze at her, and shudder and scan all the other mirrors in the world, and all the people looking at themselves and then answer, "My lady is the fairest of them all." This satisfied her, for she knew that the mirror spoke the truth. That is the function of mirrors, even wayward, willful mirrors, Virginia. To let you see yourself as you truly are. But you must be sure you wish to know the truth. But, I was growing older and by the time I was seven, I was as pretty as you. And one day when she asked her mirror who was the fairest of them all, the mirror said, "My lady is most fair to see, but Snow White is fairer far than she." So she called her huntsman and told him to take this child into the woods, I am sick of the sight of her. Can you imagine that moment, Virginia, when you realize that you are so awful that your stepmother is going to have you murdered? As the huntsman drew his knife I fell to my knees and I said, "Let me live. Let me live." And he put away his knife, and I ran into the woods. I was so terrified, I just ran in the darkness. I ran until I was exhausted, and there, in front of me, was a tiny cottage. Everything inside was exactly my size. the table had seven little settings and upstairs were seven tiny beds all in a row. And I was so tired that I fell asleep in one of the beds, and when I woke up I heard voices coming up the stairs. they had lanterns, mining lanterns and they were swinging back and forth, back and forth. I was so afraid. Then they saw me and that all said as one, "What a lovely little girl." They said that if I did all the cooking and the cleaning and the sewing and the knitting and kept the house spotless that I could stay and would never want for anything. I told them about the queen and they became completely paranoid about her. they told me never to talk to strangers, or go into town, or open the door for anyone. Her mirrors found me eventually. Three times she came. oncce with a corset to crush my ribs, once with a poison comb to drug me. The third time she came with the most beautiful apples you ever saw, and this time she stayed to watch me die to make sure. She held me until I died in front of her, choking on a piece of poison apple. I often think, why did I let her in? Didn't I know she was bad? And I did, of course I did, but I also knew that I couldn't keep that door shut all my life, just because it was dangerous, just because there was a chanc of getting hurt. My husband was a good man, but he did not rescue me. I rescued myself.
It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!
Time: 42 seconds
Sally Brown: I was robbed! I spent the whole night waiting for the Great Pumpkin when I could have been out for tricks or treats! Halloween is over and I missed it! You blockhead! You kept me up all night waiting for the Great Pumpkin and all that came was a beagle! I didn't get a chance to go out for tricks or treats! And it was all your fault! I'll sue! What a fool I was. And could have had candy apples and gum! And cookies and money and all sorts of things! But no, I had to listen to you! You blockhead. What a fool I was. Trick or treats come only once a year. And I miss it by sitting in a pumpkin patch with a blockhead. You owe me restitution!
Butterflies are Free
Time: 1 minute 19 seconds
Jill: I can't talk about him. No, I will talk about him. Every once in a while it's good to do something you don't want to do, it cleanses the insides. He was terribly sweet, and groovy looking, but kind of adolescent, ya know what I mean? Girls mature faster than boys, boys are neater, but girls mature faster. When we met, it was like fireworks! It was a marvelous kind of passion that made every day seem like the 4th of July! Anyways.. the next thing I know, there we are, standing in front of the Justice of the Peace, getting married!? Its only been like two or three months and we're getting married?! I'm not even out of high school! I've got two big exams tomorrow and they were on my mind too.. and then I hear the words, "Do you Jack, take Jill, to be your lawful wedded wife?" UGH!!! Can you imagine going through life as "Jack and Jill" ?! Then I hear, "Until death do us part." And all of the sudden, its not even a wedding anymore, more like a funeral service! And there I am being buried alive!... Under Jack Benson! I wanted to scream, go running out into the night! But I couldn't.. It was 10 o'clock in the morning and well, you can't go running out into 10 o'clock in the morning. So instead, I passed out. If only I'd fainted, before I said "I do."
Defy Gravity
Time: 2 minutes 39 seconds
Elizabeth: The day my mother actually left, a reporter asked me what I thought of my mother going into space. I didn't want to answer so I hid my face behind my grandmother's purse. My brother laughed at me so I hit him on the arm. My grandmother gave us Lifesavers to quiet us down. I told her I wanted cherry so she peeled the paper down until she found one for me. I put it in my pocket for later. Then my mother joined us and she let me hold her hand while she talked to the reporters. I played with her wedding ring and I was very proud that I was one of the few people who was allowed to touch her hand. She showed the reporters some of the things she was taking up to space. She had a journal and in the journal was a bookmark that I made for her. I had drawn a rocket and stars and Saturn with the rings and I ironed it between two pieces of wax paper so it would be protected from the gamma rays. Then she showed the reporters something her class had given her. I was jealous and I wanted to give her something else. So I took out the Lifesaver. It was fuzzy from the lining of my pocket. While my mother and the reporters talked, I tried to make the Lifesaver presentable. I told myself I had to pick all the lint off the Lifesaver or my mother wouldn't come back. Finally my mother crouched down next to me. She was wearing her blue space suit. I touched the patches on her shoulders. She looked so beautiful. Suddenly I couldn't grasp that this was the woman who every morning sliced banana on my granola. My grandmother kept saying, say good-bye, honey, say good-bye to your mother. But all I could manage to do was hold out the Lifesaver. My mother took it and put it in her pocket and I knew everything would be all right. When I watched my mothers ship take off, I saw it go straight into the sky and disappear. When my grandmother told me that my mother went to heaven, I thought that was a part of outer space. I was excited because I thought she'd come back with all kinds of neat presents like a plastic harp or a pair of angel wings. I went to the mailbox everyday looking for a postcard from her that would have clouds or a 3D picture of God. I waited for her to call long distance. When I didn't hear from her I got very angry. I told my father I hated her for being away so long. He told me she had perished in the rocket. I told him that wasn't true, that she was alive. That she had left us and found a family she liked better. He asked me why did I think she was still alive. And I said, because I never saw her dead. These are the reasons I gave myself for why my mother didn't come back. One: I hit my brother on the arm. Two: I wouldn't talk to the reporters. Three: I didn't say thank you to my grandmother for the coloring book. Four: I wouldn't let my father hold me. And five: I didn't get all the lint off the Lifesaver.
Star Spangled Girl
Time: 1 minutes 38 seconds
Sophie: Mr.Cornell, Ah have tried to be neighborly, Ah have tried to be friendly and Ah have tried to be cordial...Ah don't know what it is that you're trying to be. That first night Ah was appreciative that you carried mah trunk up the stairs...The fact that it slipped and fell five flights and smashed to pieces was not your fault...Ah didn't even mind the personal message you painted on the stairs. Ah thought it was crazy, but sorta sweet. However, things have now gone too far...Ah cannot accept gifts from a man Ah hardly know...Especially canned goods. And Ah read your little note. Ah can guess the gist of it even though Ah don't speak Italian. This has got to stop, Mr. Cornell. Ah can do very well without you leavin' little chocolate-almond Hershey bars in mah mailbox-they melted yesterday, and now Ah got three gooey letters from home with nuts in 'em-and Ah can do without you sneakin' into mah apartment after Ah go to work and paintin' mah balcony without tellin' me about it. Ah stepped out there yesterday and mah slippers are still glued to the floor. And Ah can do without you tying big bottles of eau de cologne to mah cat's tail. The poor thing kept swishin' it yesterday and nearly beat herself to death...And most of all, Ah can certainly do without you watchin' me get on the bus every day through that high-powered telescope. You got me so nervous the other day, Ah got on the wrong bus. In short, Mr. Cornell. And Ah don't want to have to say this again, leave me ay-lone!!!!
Up the Down Staircase
Time: 49 seconds
Alice: His voice...the way his eyebrow goes up...how to describe the emotion I...If I could die for you Paul, like the Lady of Shalott you read to us about, floating dead on the river outside his window, and Lancelot never knowing. Saying only,"She has a lovely face, the Lady of Shalott" In my bed at night I pray to the ceiling...please make him love me or notice me in class where I sit. Make him take me in his bold, throbbing embrace! When I look at the cracks in the ceiling and how ugly everything is, I think it's all unreal, my house and my parents. Real life is somewhere else. On moonlit terraces, in tropic gardens....foreign cities...darkling woods.
Addams Family Values
Time: 1 minute 36 seconds
Debbie: I don't want to hurt anybody. I don't enjoy hurting anybody. I don't like guns or bombs or electric chairs, but sometimes people just won't listen and so I have to use persuasion, and slides. My parents, Sharon and Dave. Generous, doting, or were they? All I ever wanted was a Ballerina Barbie in her pretty pink tutu. My birthday, I was 10 and do you know what they got me? Malibu Barbie. That's not what I wanted, that's not who I was. I was a ballerina. Graceful. Delicate. They had to go. My first husband, the heart surgeon. All day long, coronaries, transplants. "Sorry about dinner, Deb, the Pope has a cold." Husband number 2: the senator. He loved his state. He loved his country. Sorry Debbie. No Mercedes this year. We have to set an example." Oh yeah. Set this! My latest husband. My late, late husband Fester, and his adorable family. You took me in. You accepted me. But did any of you love me? I mean, really love me? So I killed. So I maimed. So I destroyed one innocent life after another. Aren't I a human being? Don't I yearn and ache...and shop? Don't I deserve love...and jewelry? Good-bye everybody. Wish me luck.
A Cinderella Story
Time: 53 seconds
Sam: No, you listen. You turned out to be exactly who I thought you were. I never pretended to be somebody else. It's been me all along. And it was me who was hurt in front of everybody. Look, I didn't come here to yell at you, okay? I know what it feels like to be afraid to show who you are. I was. But not anymore. And the thing is, I don't care what people think about me... because I believe in myself. And I know that things are gonna be okay. But even though I have no family, and no job, and no money for college... it's you that I feel sorry for. (pause) I know that guy that sent those emails is somewhere inside of you, but, I can't wait for him... because waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought. Useless and disappointing.
Funny Girl
Time: 1 minutes 45 seconds
Fanny Brice: Suppose all ya ever had for breakfast was onion rolls. Then one day, in walks (gasp) a bagel! You'd say, 'Ugh, what's that?' Until you tried it! That's my problem - I'm a bagel on a plate full of onion rolls. Nobody recognizes me! Listen, I got 36 expressions. Sweet as pie and tough as leather. And that's six expressions more than all those...Barrymores put together. Instead of just kicking me, why don't they give me a lift? Well, it must be a plot, 'cause they're scared that I got...such a gift! 'Cause I'm the greatest star, I am by far, but no one knows it. Wait - they're gonna hear a voice, a silver flute. They'll cheer each toot, hey, she's terrific!, when I expose it. Now can't you see to look at me that I'm a natural Camille, and as Camille, I just feel, I've so much to offer. Kid, I know I'd be divine because I'm a natural cougher (coughs) - some ain't got it, not a lump. I'm a great big clump of talent! Laugh, they'll bend in half. Did you ever hear the story about the travelling salesman? A thousand jokes, stick around for the jokes. A thousand faces. I reiterate. When you're gifted, then you're gifted. These are facts, I've got no axe to grind. Ay! What are ya, blind? In all of the world so far, I'm the greatest star! No autographs, please. What? You think beautiful girls are gonna stay in style forever? I should say not! Any minute now they're gonna be out! FINISHED! Then it'll be my turn!
1 comment:
So, from what are most of those monologues from? I recognized the Princess Bride, Snow White, etc. but are all the others from plays and musicals I haven't seen?
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